Pre-marriage sex counselling comes of age

Pre-marriage sex counselling comes of age
Young men and women are keen to get rid of misconceptions about sex before getting married

Devanshi Joshi. Vadodara/DNA
Friday, December 26, 2008

Even in the 21st century, sex is a term that is best kept under wraps in our society. Though we claim to have become modern, talking about it openly, is still a taboo. The preset medieval thinking that we still nurture has led to many a problem in families as a result of which, dreams of happily living ever after is turning out more of nightmares than before for the conjugal life. However, now, young educated couples have started opting for pre-marriage counselling to clear misconceived notions and fears about sex, than live a discordant marital life later on.
With the three-letter word dominating almost every sphere of visual medium, from television to the Internet, sex often becomes more of a misconceived notion borne out of suppressed curiosity. “The knowledge of sex is very limited, thanks to the rigid societal norms,” said Dr Surekha Vinod, a Vadodara-based gynaecologist, while talking to DNA. Therefore, couples intending to marry should avail sexual counselling to remove these false notions, she said.
When these couple come for the counselling, doctors give them separate or joint session depending on their flexibility. “Generally girls are shyer than boys, but boys have wrong perceptions about private body parts. The counselling is not only about understanding physical aspects but also improving their mental level,” said Dr Meeta Saija, a gynaecologist at Waghodia.Rahul and Avani a betrothed couple from Vadodara found the pre-marriage sexual counselling very helpful. “Being a science student, I thought that I don't need to undergo any sex counselling but acting on the advice of my US-based friend, my fiancé and I consulted a sexologist who counselled both of us separately and the sittings were very informative. We have become familiar with many things and notions which we did not know earlier,” said Rahul, who is an IT professional in a city-based MNC.
With the wedding season in top gear, brides and grooms to be are busy with their wedding preparations, which now also include the counselling sessions. “Though the number of young boys and girls coming for the sex education before marriage has increased by 10%, it is still not a significant increase. Only well educated and modern youngsters come for it and that too in small numbers. Surprisingly, despite high education, their knowledge of sex relationship is shallow. They have some vague idea about sex and family planning, these are often mired in notions, which may prove dangerous. Counselling gives proper guidance but our society is still open to the concept unlike in foreign countries,” lamented Vadodara-based sexologist, Dr Vinit Shah.

Love, set, match in the internet age

Move over, marriage portals; more aspiring brides and grooms are choosing virtual swaymvars instead

Devanshi Joshi. Vadodara/DNA
Thursday, December 18, 2008

In some of the best known swayamvars in Indian legends, Sita had to wait for Ram to come along and break a massive bow, and Karna was disqualified on caste grounds, despite shooting the eye of a revolving bird while looking at its reflection in a pool of water.Juggling fast-paced lifestyles, todays aspirants face equally challenging tasks, if not as dramatic. Some online portals have recognised this market and offer virtual swayamvars, which is gaining popularity among the Gujarati communtity. The traditional marriage portal involves browsing through dozens, if not hundreds of profiles, contacting interesting-looking candidates, and waiting for days in the hope of a favourable response. The virtual swayamvar however, enables candidates (with similar preferences) from across the world to log on at a pre-decided time, and interact with a larger group of probables."More prospective Gujarati brides and grooms searching for marital partners online. So virtual swayamvar was conceptualised to help members of a particular caste or community connect with their prospective life partners beyond geographical boundaries. Members across the globe can log in and meet up with potential partners,” an official at a major matrimony services portal said.“A number of participants prefer this concept, since interaction is real-time, making it replies and decisions faster and more efficient.” Aarti Shah and Rishab Shah, who were recently engaged in Vadodara, met through such a swayamvar. Rishab, a city-based software engineer sais, “My parents constantly tried to get me to attend matrimonial meets, but I was not comfortable in such a setting, and found the concept of virtual swayamvar more interesting,” he says, adding, “I registered myself on a site, and since we were particular about caste and community, I participated in virtual swayamvars meant only for Jains. I interacted with many candidates and things clicked with Aarti.”Parents too, are moving toward this concept. Seema and Piyus Patel, who stay in Ahmedabad, have registered their daughter on such a site, hoping to find her a suitable husband. “Traditionally, even the online route is a long-drawn process of finding a candidate. In a virtual swayamvar, one can directly chat with the candidate. We think the virtual swayamvar would be a good place to find a match for our daughter,” they saidStill, in some cases, the search continues. Surat-based banker, Milind Makhija said: “As a busy professional, I dont have the time to go through profiles, intimate my interest, and wait for replies. That way, virtual swayamvars are much better. I have attended some virtual swayamvars and will attend some more, till I find a suitable partner.”

V'dara witnesses grand wedding procession

Devotees join Narsinhji no varghodo and Tulsi vivah

Devanshi Joshi & Pratik Shah/ DNA.Vadodara
13th November,2008

The Sanskari nagri of Gujarat was all booming on city's landmark event of the wedding procession of Lord Narsinhji

on Dev Diwali. To Vadodara Narsinhji no Varghodo is what the Rathyatra is to Ahmedabad.

Amid tight security, the event marked ceremonial wedding procession of Lord Narsinhji who went to marry Tulsiji. Thousands of devotees from city and outside participated the marvellous procession.

Narsinhji no varghodo has become an identity Vadodara is the only city in Gujarat where Lord Narsinhji's procession has been taken out for over 125 years. the idol of Lord Narsinhji was taken out from Narsinhji ni pole at Mandvi and ceremoniously and taken to tulsivadi. Hundreds of devotee joined the residents of the Narsinhji ni pole in the procession as the relatives of the groom.

Devotees clad and rich traditional attire and kids in the fancy dresses fire crackers, music bands and devotional songs all were some of major attraction of annual fete. The varghodo started at 5:30 PM from Narsinhji ni pole reached Tulsivadi around 9:30 PM.

As the tradition goes, Lord Narsinhji, an incarnation of Lord Vishnu weds Tulsiji on Kartiki purnima, which is celebrated as Dev Diwali. The Lord's wedding ceremony was performed with traditional rituals which continued till the early hours of next day. After the wedding Tulsiji comes at Narsinhji ni pole along with Lord Narsinhji.

The police took all pain for the smooth passage of the procession. Before the procession began, the dog and bomb squads had undertaken security checks at every nook and corner of the procession route.

Narsinhji no Varghodo attracts NRGs and foreigners alike

The event has been a grand celebration for people of Vadodara

Devanshi Joshi. Vadodara/DNA
Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Narsinhji no Varghodo at Vadodara has its own identity as it is the only procession where Lord Narsinhji goes to marry Tulsiji on the day of Dev Diwali.

'Narsinhji no varghodo' in Vadodara has been a grand celebration for Barodians for more than 125 years but NRIs and foreigners also make it a point to come to Vadodara on the day of Dev Diwali to see the auspicious Narsinhji's customary procession.On Thursday, many non-resident Gujaratis participated as barati in Narsinhji no Varghodo.

Ajay Mehta, an NRG from Britain has been to the city especially for Narsinhji no Varghodo. Ajay said, "Every year I come to India and make it a point to come during Diwali time, so that I can celebrate the diwali as well as attend 'Narsinhji no varghodo'. Being Barodian, I have very good attachment and memories with 'Narsinhji no varghodo' as I have been participating in the procession since my childhood. Now the time has changed and I don't live in the city but 'Narsinhji no varghodo' is the celebration, which makes my visit to India definite every year."

Suketu Shah a student and an NRG from US visited 'Narsinji no varghodo' for the first time. Suketu said, "Being born and brought up in US, I have not seen Indian rituals much. This time fortunately my visit to India during the time of 'Narsinhji no varghodo' gave me an opportunity to become a part of Lord's auspicious wedding moments. I had been told by my grandfather to see the 'Narsinhji no varghodo' who also told me the religious importance of procession."

Not only NRIs but foreigners also visited 'Narsinhji no varghodo' with great surprise of seeing God's grand wedding followed by rituals ceremony. Michelle Clinston, a foreign visitor said, “India is a land of cultural values and its versatility always attracts any foreigners. I and my friends are enjoying our trip to India especially the colours of Indian culture and variety. My friend from Vadodara told me about the Narsinhji procession and we planned to visit Vadodara to see the procession. It is surprising to know that in India God's wedding is being celebrated with grand procession and the wedding season starts after Narsinhji's wedding.”

For couples, web wedding is latest fad

Brides and grooms post profiles on the Net to keep relatives posted about marriage

Devanshi Joshi. Vadodara/DNA
Thursday, November 13, 2008

With the days of grand and glamorous wedding season at doors, interestingly, it is not just the show of affluence. Rather the novel concept of 'Web wedding' has caught the fancy of would-be couples who want to make their weddings memorable in a special way.

So, today, more and more 'net savvy' marriage aspirants in the city are attracted to the trend of making personalised wedding websites for 'Web wedding'. Aspirant brides and grooms in the city and NRGs are opting for personalised wedding like www.firstphera.com, www.bestweddingsites.com and www.wedstudio.com which not only make the weddings live virtually but also connect the near and dear ones in their wedding journey virtually.These websites have different formats, starting from memories of first meeting to the journey of wedding through photographs, videos, blogs and tips for honeymoon places, too. Interestingly, the websites offer the tools of making personalised wedding websites free of charge to the users.The homepage includes various wedding articles. The website includes wedding schedule, guest book, celebration mode, blogs, picture, videos, notes and also profile of bride and groom. Brides and grooms can design their own wedding websites by decorating them with different themes, including wedding ceremony pictures, videos, blogs and invitations too.Sandip and Divya, a 'would be' couple in the city, have created their personalised wedding website. "A personal wedding website is a unique form of memorising wedding moments. The journey leading to our wedding is similar to a film story. I have been sharing pictures and videos of our engagement ceremony and courtship with close friends through the website. I have already uploaded our wedding invitation card on the site. This way, one can have a nice collection of wedding memories and that too live on internet," Sandip Kanojia, a software engineer, told DNA.Not only the marriage aspirants but many couples are also creating personalised wedding websites and create the wonderful memory tool after several years of their weddings. US-based Nikita Parikh, an NRG and education professional from Vadodara, is now creating her personalised wedding website after two years of her marriage with Vishal. When she got married, she had no chance to make her wedding live virtually; that is why, she is now making a personalised website. "I found this concept really exciting. Being married for two years, I had no chance to celebrate my wedding virtually, so I planned 'the post marriage' personalised wedding website that would feature our profiles, details of the journey from our first meeting to wedding. My husband doesn't know about it and I am going to gift this website to him on our third wedding anniversary in January," said an enthusiast Nikita.

This wedding season, get an e-invite

For would-be couples, e-kankotri becomes a preferred way to solicit presence of guests

Devanshi Joshi. Vadodara/DNA

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

It seems that gone are the days of a postman delivering a kankotri at your doorsteps. In the era of internet when everything is getting an e prefix, how wedding invitation cards can be an exception to the e of online strings? Now as the concept of e-kankotri is getting popular among modern marriage aspirants in Vadodara, dont be surprised if you get a wedding invitation card online this marriage season. The e-kankotri is a soft copy version of a traditional kankotri with the multimedia effects. The e-kankotri opens up with music and sound effects along with flashes and special effects and pop ups. Of course there wont be any postman or courier to deliver the e-kankotri, as it will be sent through email. The e-kankotri is just like an e-greeting cards available on different websites but it is different because it has a live and personalised effect.Many websites offer the readymade e-wedding invitation cards, just like other greeting and wishing cards. What one needs is just to enter the names in the relevant boxes and the names of invitees. Darshak Jha, a city-based web designer, says: “I have been designing one wedding invitation card for the NRG couple. Many NRIs ask for the e kankotri as it is faster and now everyone opts for the emails rather postal mails. The e-kankotri can be created with the help of different sound, flash and pop-up effects. The soft copy of card looks same as the hard copy, but its more live.” Sandip and Divya who are going to get married are opting for e-kankotri. Sandip himself is designing his wedding invitation card in form of e-kankotri. Sandip who is flying from Canada to get married to Divya of Vadodara in December, finds the concept of e-kankotri an easy way to send the wedding cards. “Most of the relatives live abroad and it is very expensive and time consuming to send the wedding cards by courier or post. Being a software engineer, I myself have designed our wedding invitation card. Unlike the hard copy, it is live with sound and flash effects.”There are also people who send the scanned copy of invitation cards to friends and relatives. Madhu Shukla, an aspirant bride, said: “Most of my friends have settled at different corners of the country and abroad. I keep in touch with them through emails; I dont know their postal address so I have opted for email for sending my wedding invitation cards.”

Single in Abad? Shun meat if you want marriage

A survey shows that caste, colour no longer matter to eligible Amdavadis
Devanshi Joshi. Ahmedabad/DNA

Sunday, June 01, 2008
Caste no bar, colour no bar, but we certainly want vegetarians and working professionals. A recent partner preference survey carried out by a popular online marriage portal of around 2,000 Amdavadi boys and girls has revealed a surprising trend that city youngsters are not very concerned about marrying in their own caste and even the popular perception of fair complexion does not matter, but they insist that the prospective spouse should be a vegetarian!In the trend of cosmopolitan culture, 50% boys and 67% girls said they were open to inter-caste marriage as the chemistry with the partner matters more than caste. However, 50% of Amdavadi boys and 67% girls said they necessarily want a vegetarian partner. Gujarati boys apparently defy the popular Indian myth of having a fair bride as a trophy wife. A whopping 66.7% of the boys said having a fair complexioned spouse doesnt matter and 55.6% of girls expressed indifference to skin colour. The survey conducted by Shaadi.com has brought out another heartening trend of marriage candidates preferring a working professional for a wife vis-à-vis a full-time homemaker. As many as 42% boys preferred a working life partner and 55.6% of girls said they would like to continue working after marriage. Significantly, not a single girl refused a career, the rest said they were not sure, indicating willingness to accept in-laws wishes.Amdavadi girls were, however, divided on their choice of settling abroad. The blinding desire of young girls to settle in the US has been replaced by reluctance of abandoning the comforts of hometown. 22.2% of the girls said they did not want to settle abroad, while 44.4% said they were not sure and 33.3% answered in affirmative. Sociologist Gaurang Jani says the survey brings out the conservative yet modernist face of the city youths mindset. “Gujarati society has two faces - one contemporary at the same time another conservative. Definitely, education and cosmopolitan culture have impacted youths thinking, but parents and family might have a different opinion than that of the respondents. But its good that the new generation is attempting to change the traditional mind set of society.”Dharmishta Nanawati, an owner of Swayamvar Marriage bureau in Ambawadi, said “These days boys and girls look for a smart life partner, having good educational background and social status. Things like caste and physical appearance dont matter much as they believe in chemistry more than other criteria. Youngsters are becoming more open up about their partner preferences at the same parents are also playing a supportive role.”Said Vibhas Mehta, business head of Shaadi.com, “Our survey busts a lot of myths. For example, we have heard that marriage with the same caste candidate is of prime importance while arranging a match, however, most of the youngsters today believe that compatibility is more important for making a happy marriage than caste.”