Exams make parents flunk sanity test

Exams make parents flunk sanity test
Psychiatrists say unforgiving demands that parents place on their children debilitate whole family
Devanshi Joshi. Ahmedabad/DNA

May 30,2008

Parents of Devansh Shah were a worried lot after the HSC general stream results. Their son had scored just 50% in his boards. They rushed a nervous Devansh to a psychiatrists clinic to prevent any untoward event, but instead of the student, the psychiatrist put the parents on the couch.Failure in exams, low scores, difficulty in getting admission to desired colleges — psychiatrists are anticipating several cases of students suffering a nervous breakdown and suicidal thoughts. However, mental health professionals feel it is not the student but parents who need to be counselled about their behaviour, which often becomes extremely critical.“In 80% of the cases, we counsel the parents rather than the child. When parents forcefully talk of their childrens failure in fulfilling their wishes, sensitive kids may feel extremely guilty, driving them to take steps that are not in their interest,” said Dharmesh Patel, a psychiatrist. According to Patel, parents tend to compare a childs performance with that of their siblings and friends. This erodes a childs self confidence and pulls them into depressionRohan Kusumgar, another psychiatrist from Satellite said parents often feel that their child has some defect. “But after counselling what emerges in most cases is that the child carries the burden of his parents expectations,” said Kusumgar.A couple from Paldi underwent counselling before the boards so as not to put pressure on their child. “We were constantly comparing Ritesh with his peers, pushing him to work harder. Following the counselling we realised that he needs his space and our pressure tactics were having an adverse effect on him,” said Hitesh and Manali Shah.The couple then stopped pushing their child, who scored 85% in his boards. "Instead of criticising the child for his performance, we advice parents to play the role of a supporter," said another psychiatrist Pradeep Vaghasiya. (Names have been changed to protect identity)